Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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