maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
