i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
