We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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