so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
