My liver just broke up with me...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
