A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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