You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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