I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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