I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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