Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
