How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
