thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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