im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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