What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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