Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
