You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
