Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
