You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
