True but thats because hes a fetus.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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