we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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