legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
