At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
