Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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