fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
