Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone says I win the strip club
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
