Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
