Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
