lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
