better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
