I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
