Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
