I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
