We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
