that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
