I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
