i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
