sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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