i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
