talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
