someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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