I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there is glitter all over my balls
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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