So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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