Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
