i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize