just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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