I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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