I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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