party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
