when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
