I wannas sexs uuuuu
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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