My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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