next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
