I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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