Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this will be a night to untag.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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