Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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