with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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