I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize