I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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