I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
