do herpes really smell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize