This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
