you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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