Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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