this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
