We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
