I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
