then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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We are all done wearing pants today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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