All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
