Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
