so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
