and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
