im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
