with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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